235,274 subscribers a community for 3 years, 2 monthslast post today [+]
If you have a MIL that is lovely and not any of the things we talk about here, that's great. Let us rant away at the crazy shit they do. If it's your mom that's the issue, you can rant about that too.
WORDS OF WISDOM
> It's easier to dump a mama's boy than to divorce a mama's boy, and both of those are easier than trying to change a mama's boy. ~/u/pastelegg
> Abusers are the angler fish of humanity - they dangle a bright glowing ball of love in front of you so you don't see the teeth in the dark. ~/u/silentgreen85
> Next time they say, "That's just how she is," reply, "And this is how I am. Are you putting in as much effort trying to change who she is as you are trying to change who I am?" ~/u/Gamez2Go
> When you're wearing rose colored glasses, red flags just look like flags. ~/u/jnmlthrow
> ######(No, Bojack Horseman is not the originator of this quote, just one of many to use the concept.)
> You’re wishin’ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be. ~Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
> A gift is not an apology – it is a reward for accepting shitty behaviour. ~/u/particularshadeofblu
> Coming out of the FOG isn't one big step, it's hundreds of small ones, and that's okay. ~/u/-Moiraine-
> The lightning rod isn’t the source of the electricity. You’re not the cause of the shit flung your way. You’re just (unluckily) the target. ~/u/onthestickagain
> The MIL shrieks in rage
Demanding her pound of flesh.
> Shit's cray, not gonna get less cray. ~/u/dietotaku
1. Mother-in-law and Mom related posts only|Other people can absolutely be involved but they cannot be given their own thread. If it is not your MIL or mom, a SonIL/DIL must be present or otherwise clearly evident - no "potential" JNMILs. No fictional MILs. JustNOHusbands (and wives) can now go in /r/JustNoSO! For everyone else, try /r/justnofamily. Letters and non-MIL updates now belong in /r/LetterstoJNMIL.
2. Only MIL/Mom gets a nickname|Nicknames are reserved for MILs and established MIL/FIL pairs only. All others must use the acronym dictionary below. Acronym-based cast lists are OK but unnecessary - just give us the story. MIL nickname guidelines
3. No blogs|Honestly, nobody fucking cares.
4. Shaming is not okay|If you disagree be civil and respectful. Remember the human and remember that many posters here are dealing with disordered personalities and disordered upbringings. "You have a husband problem" and "two card time" are shaming. Don't. 5. No trolling or "MILpologizing"|Don't be deliberately antagonistic, and don't defend, excuse, or otherwise sympathize with the MILs here. Playing devil's advocate in a support sub rarely turns out well for anyone and nobody posts here if they're dealing with normal, harmless MILs. Trying to convince OP that MIL was "just trying to be nice" amounts to gaslighting and won't be tolerated.
6. No backseat modding|Our rules are here in order to foster reasonable discussion, support, and advice. Using our rules as ammunition against another poster does not further these goals. If you see someone breaking a rule, report it and move on.
7. No exit posts|If you feel you need to go, do it quietly. Exit posts are cries for attention and there are other subs to feed your need. Addendum: No updates to removed posts. If you can't follow the rules, don't post. 8. No external links|There is no option to post a link here, take the hint because it's not subtle. If there's a story that is supported by Facebook comments/text messages that's fine, but those links need to be scrubbed of personal info and only linked in the body of the post. If you see a post on another subreddit that would fit here, PM the OP.
9. Wild MILs must be IRL|"MIL in the Wild" posts have been restricted to real-life encounters. This includes social media like Facebook but not sites like FML, Tales from Retail, advice columns or apps like Whisper.
10. Keep violent speech within reason.|Hoping bad things happen to bad people as a way of sympathizing with OP is fine, but keep it light. Don't instruct OP to do anything violent/illegal and don't get excessively graphic in fantasizing about violence. Figures of speech like "she deserves a smack in the mouth for that" are fine, "burn that fucking bitch alive" goes too far.
THE JUSTNO NETWORK
/r/JustNoFIL (under new management!)
/r/JustNoSO (significant others)
/r/JustNoFamily (the catch-all)
/r/JustNoDIL (memes & shitposts)
/r/LetterstoJNMIL (non-MIL stuff)
Devil Vagina Magic|Super magical vagina that lures good, decent men away from their now suffering mothers. Suspected but unconfirmed vagina dentata like attributes. Wielded by vagicians. Not to be confused with the vaginal bond.
(M/F/B/S/D)IL|Mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law (or son-in-law, use context), daughter-in-law
S/F/X(acronym)|Step, future, ex. e.g. XMIL = ex-mother-in-law. SFXMIL = mother-in-law generated by CGI or practical special effects
D(H/W/S/D)|Damn Husband, Wife, Son, Daughter. While in most places it stands for dear, there usually isn't a lot of behavior deserving a sweet term of endearment in this sub.
SO/OH|Significant Other, Other Half
LO|Little One. Just type out baby. It is two letters more.
(O/M/Y)D/S|Older/Middle/Younger Daughter/Son, for when you've got multiple kids with the same parts.
BEC|Bitch Eating Crackers. Someone so irritating that even normal things, such as eating crackers, annoys the shit out of you.
LC/VLC/NC|Low-Contact/Very Low-Contact/No Contact, respectively. Used to describe the degree to which one has cut a certain family member out of their lives.
GC/SG|Golden Child, Scapegoat
Jocasta complex|Opposite of Oedipal complex, named for Oedipus' mother. Often used to describe a MIL's emotionally incestuous treatment of her son. FM|Flying Monkey, any person sent by MIL to gather/deliver information
FOO|Family of Origin, the people you're related to by blood
CBF|Cat-Butt Face, a look of sour disapproval/pissiness mastered by old ladies in which their lips are pursed to resemble a cat's asshole
JADE|Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain - don't bother, it just gives MILs more fuel
DARVO|Deny, Argue, Reverse Victim & Offender - a narc tactic to avoid culpability for their actions. Grey Rock|A technique to discourage overbearing MIL from taking any interest in you. You are bland, uninteresting, you lack any sort of emotions for her to manipulate. You are the grey rock.
FOG|Fear, Obligation, Guilt. The thick miasma of negativity that clouds your judgment in dealing with JustNOs. FLEAS|Not an acronym, just a metaphor for a normal person picking up some disordered personality traits by proximity to a JustNO. "If you lie down with dogs, then you'll get fleas."